Why You Should Solve Things Yourself

by | Apr 11, 2018 | Blog

Does the person who upset you need to change?  Often, yes.  Someone who makes you that angry, sad, or afraid probably needs to change something.  That person has done something offensive and you’re not okay with it.

Micromanagement Or Self-Focus?

Yet, which avenue offers you most reliable influence?  What course of action holds the highest potential to transform an experience?

  1. Trying to teach other people what they need to be doing differently?  Micromanagement.
  2. Or taking responsibility for your own experience, despite how much someone else should change?  Self-focus.

No Matter What, You Have Things to Do Too

When someone needs to do some things differently (because you’re being hurt), you need to do some things differently too.  For example, you might need to put some distance between you two.  Or you might need to separate yourself with some healthy boundaries.  And you’ll most likely also need to address the reasons you pretended not to see this coming a long time ago.  You probably need to trust your gut more!

If your solution were found solely in changing someone else, even when they need to change, you might never learn to take care of yourself as well as you need to.  You might not ever learn to trust your gut as much as you need to either.  Whether or not someone else ever changes, the good news is that you always can.

You Are Not (Merely) A Spiritual Being Having a Physical Experience

You are a body and you are energy.  Your body is a physical object, which includes your brain.

Your mind is a non-physical energy, which should not be confused with your brain.  While your brain would like to be the sole “you”, it, like every other part of your body, is merely a component of you.

You Are (Also) a Physical Being Having a Spiritual Experience

Your body feels things; your body is where you have feelings.  Your mind experiences things; your mind is where you have experiences.  Feelings and experiences are completely interconnected and dependent upon each other.  Each is capable of significant influence upon the other, to the point of seeming to cause the other.

We’re all aware that experiences usually elicit feelings.  And we’ve all undoubtedly treated feelings as if they can give birth to experiences – that is the origin of positive thinking as a tool for improving life’s fulfillment.  But, while it is therefore natural to seek improvement of one by correcting the other, a painful experience or feeling should be addressed rather than corrected.  And addressing painful experiences and feelings always offers you the best potential to change your life.

Consider joining this independent Facebook group, Grow a Greater You.  You’ll meet friends who enjoy discussing ideas like these.

Our discussions in the comment thread need to be civil and respectful.  I am the sole determiner of what constitutes civility and respect.


Thank You For Making Me Really Cool

When someone thanks me for my writing, I almost always say, "Thank you for allowing me to be of such value to you." That's because you manifest Greg Kuhn, not me. Here's what I mean...  You're Not Always Making Babies You manifest your entire universe. Most of...
Read More

It’s Actually Possible to Give Your Best Effort Every Time

When I'm running, sometimes I just want to give up. I feel like I can't keep up the pace, that I can't go the distance. That I should quit. I listen to my body, so sometimes I do stop. But before I stop, because my goal is to give my best effort, I always make sure...
Read More

My Thermometer Seems to Be Making Me Ill

Positive self-talk, or positive affirmations, are designed to get you into the right feelings. And once you have the right feelings, you'll have the experiences you truly desire, right? Wrong! In fact, that's the same logic as saying you need to ice down your...
Read More

You Truly Need Setbacks and Inadequacy

  A while ago I was running on a sidewalk outside the Louisville Zoo.  A car approached and I watched it slow down for a speedbump in the road.  As it drove away, a thought appeared. "You only notice speedbumps if you're going fast."  "Man, that's deep!," I thought...
Read More

Positive Affirmations Are Ignorant

  Some habits help you deal with life. Other habits help you process life. Deal With It! A beer after a long day at work, for example, can help you deal with life. Life, after all, is filled with things we might not choose if we truly had the choice.  Writing reports,...
Read More